Digital Breakup Checklist: Cutting an Ex's Access to Your Accounts

Relationships create shared digital access almost invisibly. A password typed in front of someone, a phone whose passcode both of you know, a streaming account, a shared location, a family plan, a recovery phone number set years ago. None of it feels like a security decision at the time. After a breakup, all of it is still live, and untangling it is not a matter of trust — it is basic account hygiene that most people never do.

This is a practical checklist. Work through it in order, because some steps only hold once earlier ones are done. If you are leaving a relationship that involved control, monitoring, or abuse, read the safety note at the end first, because the order changes.

Why This Matters More Than People Think

The risk is not usually dramatic. It is quiet and persistent: a former partner who still sees your location because a family sharing setting was never turned off, who receives your password reset emails because their address is still your recovery contact, or who can read your messages because your account is still signed in on a tablet in their flat.

Account recovery is the part people forget. You can change every password you own, and if your ex's phone number is still the recovery number on your email account, none of it matters. Recovery paths are the back door, and they outlast passwords.

Step 1: Secure Your Email First

Your primary email account controls every other account through password resets. Nothing else on this list works until this one is done.

1. Change the password to something new and unique, generated by a password manager.
2. Open the security settings and review recovery email addresses and recovery phone numbers. Remove anything that is not yours and currently in your possession.
3. Check security questions if the provider still uses them. A former partner knows your mother's maiden name and your first pet. Replace the answers with random strings stored in your password manager.
4. Review active sessions and signed-in devices, and sign out of everything except the device in your hand. In Gmail this is "Last account activity" at the bottom of the inbox; in Outlook and Apple accounts it is under security settings.
5. Check forwarding rules and filters. A rule that quietly forwards a copy of every message, or that deletes password reset emails before you see them, is the single most effective way to keep access to someone's life. Look under Settings > Forwarding and POP/IMAP, and Settings > Filters.
6. Check connected apps and third-party access and revoke anything you do not recognise.
7. Turn on two-factor authentication using an authenticator app or a passkey — not a phone number that might be on a shared plan.

Step 2: Take Back Your Phone Number and Plan

If you are on a shared mobile plan, the account holder can often see your call and message records, change your plan, and in some cases port your number. Getting your own line in your own name is a bigger security step than any password change.

Contact your carrier and either take over your number on a new individual account or port it to a new provider. While you are there, add a port-out PIN or account passcode so nobody can transfer your number without it. Then check your device for shared eSIM profiles or a second line you did not add.

Step 3: Break the Sharing Links

These are the settings that keep leaking information long after the passwords have changed.

Location

On iPhone, open Settings > [your name] > Find My > Share My Location and remove anyone listed. Also check Find My > People and Settings > Privacy & Security > Location Services > Share My Location. On Android, open Google Maps > your profile picture > Location sharing and stop sharing with everyone.

Then check the second layer people forget: shared calendars, fitness apps that share activity, ride-hailing apps with a saved emergency contact, and any "family" safety app installed during the relationship.

Family and household groups

Leave Apple Family Sharing, Google Family Link or family group, Amazon Household, Microsoft family group, and any shared subscription. These groups often expose purchase history, location, and screen time, and in some cases allow the organiser to reset settings on your devices.

Smart home

If you kept the home, remove the other person from every smart home platform — the hub account, and each individual device app. Cameras, doorbells, locks, thermostats, and voice assistants all keep separate guest lists. Change the Wi-Fi password and check the router's admin page for saved devices and any remote access setting.

Photos and files

Review shared albums, shared cloud folders, and any collaborative document with edit access. Shared albums often include location metadata for every photo.

Step 4: Change Passwords in the Right Order

After email, work through this order: password manager master password, then banking and financial accounts, then phone carrier and cloud accounts, then social media and messaging, then shopping and streaming. Use a password manager to generate a unique password for each one — reusing a password your ex knows anywhere means you have not really changed it.

On each significant account, do the same three checks you did on email: signed-in sessions, recovery contacts, and connected third-party apps.

Step 5: Check Your Devices

• Change the passcode on every device, including tablets and any computer they used.
• On your phone, check Settings > Accessibility > Downloaded apps and Security > Device admin apps on Android, and Settings > General > VPN & Device Management on iOS. Anything unfamiliar with these permissions should be removed.
• Look for apps with generic names like "System Service" or "Device Health" that you did not install. Stalkerware hides in plain sight this way.
• On a shared computer, check for saved browser passwords, browser profiles that sync to another account, and remote access software.
• Check whether any of your devices are still enrolled in an Apple Account or Google account that is not yours — Settings > [your name] on iOS lists every device on the account.

Step 6: Financial and Identity Separation

Remove authorised users from credit cards, close joint accounts you no longer need rather than leaving them dormant, and update the beneficiary and emergency contact on insurance, pension, and workplace records. Check your credit report for accounts you do not recognise, and consider a credit freeze if you are worried about accounts being opened in your name. Update the delivery address and saved payment methods on shopping accounts.

If You Are Leaving an Abusive or Controlling Situation

The order above assumes it is safe to make changes openly. It may not be. Sudden loss of access can escalate a situation, and monitoring software may alert the other person the moment you change a password.

In that case, plan before acting. Use a device the other person has never had access to — a friend's phone, a library computer — to set up a new email account and to research your options. Do not make changes on a device you suspect is monitored. Contact a domestic abuse support organisation in your country before you start; many have specific technology safety advisers who will help you sequence this so that nothing changes visibly until you are ready. Preserve evidence of monitoring rather than deleting it immediately, as it may matter legally.

The Bottom Line

Changing passwords is the part everyone remembers and the part that matters least on its own. The access that actually persists after a relationship lives in recovery phone numbers, email forwarding rules, family sharing groups, and devices that are still signed in. Work through email first, then recovery paths, then sharing settings, then everything else. An hour spent on this list closes doors that would otherwise stay quietly open for years.